8 Signs You Might Be In A Rebound Relationship, According To Psychology

Relationships are complex, and the exact timelines can look different for everyone. Some people might hit it off relatively quickly with a new partner, while others might take extra time until they are ready to take the next steps. No matter the exact timeline your own relationship evolved over, the goal of any coupling is that it is a healthy relationship built on trust and mutual respect. But a rebound relationship can sometimes develop as a result of seeking out companionship too soon after a breakup, and this can unfortunately create further problems for yourself and your new partner.

A rebound relationship typically describes a short-term relationship that stems from a recent breakup. As the name indicates, a rebound relationship may be sought after by someone who wants to get over a breakup until they enter another long-term relationship. Overall, the average duration of a rebound relationship is between one and 12 months, and if you're curious whether you (or someone you know) is unknowingly in a rebound relationship, it's worth checking out some of the common signs associated with this phenomenon, all according to psychology.

Still, it's also worth noting that some psychologists argue certain rebound relationships aren't always unhealthy in the short-term. However, all types of rebound relationships are problematic if they are used to mask or avoid healing from the previous breakup. This latter point is unfortunately common, which is why the rhetoric surrounding rebound relationships typically has negative undertones.

Though there are always some of the worst first date mistakes to consider, a new romantic relationship can be considered a rebound situation if it develops too quickly and without much thought. While there aren't really concrete rules for relationship timelines so to speak, it's generally not healthy to jump from one relationship to another. Some people are quick to do so out of fear of being alone, rather than actually forming a real connection with another person. Constant rebounding can also cause a vicious cycle of constantly choosing incompatible partners and then jumping into new relationships in an effort to remedy the situation.

It's also possible that jumping into rebound relationships can have some overlap with emophilia. In psychology, emophilia describes the tendency of a person to fall in love quicker than others generally do. People who experience emophilia may also declare love for another person without knowing them very well. (Interestingly, emophilia used to be known as "emotional promiscuity"). Aside from an increased tendency to fall into rebound relationships, emophilia can pose the danger of falling in love with someone who might not really be a good fit for you while also opening up the possibility of unrequited love, too.

Loneliness is a common feeling due to the sudden empty void a breakup can create. This can occur whether the relationship was long-term or if it was just getting on its feet and suddenly came crashing down, and it is a normal part of the nervous system reacting to the situation. "The daily texts, shared routines, and unspoken habits don't just disappear — they leave a noticeable absence, and your body feels that loss just as much as your heart does," writes Sloane Previdi, MFT, LSW, who is a therapist with People First Therapy Group and has covered the subject of post-breakup loneliness on the group's blog. Experiencing such feelings isn't a problem in itself. It can become an issue when you try to replace your ex in an unhealthy way, though. This includes entering into a rebound relationship.

Interestingly, previous research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin also suggests that the distraction of a new relationship can be helpful for "anxiously attached individuals," and it may help provide distraction from feelings of loneliness. Nevertheless, engaging in a rebound relationship does not address the underlying anxiety or other issues one might be experiencing. Seeking out connections with others can be helpful, but consider friends, people with shared hobbies, and volunteering as alternatives to new romantic relationships.

Psychology certainly has a lot to say about attraction and its links to self-esteem. In fact, psychologists have even identified common signs someone might be secretly attracted to you. While such links are normal, it is not considered healthy to jump into a relationship for the purposes of seeking validation or boosting your self-esteem. Selecting a new romantic partner in the hopes you'll feel better about yourself is a telling sign of a rebound relationship.

In addition to loneliness, it's common to feel lowered self-esteem after a break-up, particularly if you view the experience as a form of failure. Linking a "successful" relationship with your own self-esteem can unfortunately lead to problems with jumping into new relationships, though. It even turns out that psychologists have a name for this phenomenon: "relationship-contingent self-esteem." In other words, your feelings of self-worth are dependent on someone else making you feel good. You might feel better about yourself in the short term, but the lack of a real emotional connection with your new partner is likely to produce temporary effects only. Furthermore, relationship-contingent self-esteem can lead to a host of unhealthy behaviors, including increased sensitivity and defensiveness, as well as long-term anxiety.

There are certainly signs you're in a happy relationship that psychologists have identified. It's safe to say that constantly comparing your current relationship with the previous one is not among them. If you find yourself repeatedly making comparisons between your partner and your ex, or even between the relationships as a whole, this is a major red flag that you could be in a rebound relationship.

When considering this tendency to make comparisons, know that it can include both positive and negative aspects, though the correlation between rebound relationships and negative comparisons is more clear cut. Bashing your ex is a key sign you have not yet recovered from that relationship, and that anger towards that person is actually just another version of clinging. In some cases, such anger prevents other relationships from forming. So if you are currently in a new relationship and find that you talk negatively about your ex, chances are you do not yet have the same emotional connection to your new partner. You could unknowingly be in rebound mode instead.

When you are in a new relationship that seems to be going well, it's natural to want to introduce your partner to your friends and family. This instinct goes beyond just sharing a new important person in your life with others you care about — it's also generally seen as an important way to garner input. The process is also called "integration."

So what does it mean if you are hesitant to introduce your new partner to your friends and family? While there are a few possible answers, one common possibility is that you're in a rebound relationship. By keeping your new partner away from your friends and loved ones, chances are you subconsciously know this relationship will not last over the long-term. 

Intentionally hiding your new partner is also known by a specific names; it's something psychologists have termed "pocketing." Unfortunately, purposely keeping your partner from your friends and family could have other unintended consequences and create misunderstandings. For example, your loved ones might start looking into the signs someone is an authentic person and unfairly apply these to your new relationship.

When a previous relationship ends, it's healthy to give yourself all the time and space you need for processing. The time after a breakup is also critical to your overall personal growth. Research supports the concept of becoming stronger after a relationship ends, which is something psychologists call "posttraumatic growth." As one 2018 study in Emerging Adulthood argues, such skills are essential to overall psychological development and can point to better outcomes for adults, including the ability to better handle conflicts and other forms of communication later down the line.

In other words, while it might not seem like it in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it is very possible to experience positive changes. The key is to give yourself enough space to reflect and grow without immediately trying to mask the emotional rollercoaster with a new relationship. It's also especially important to focus on personal growth after a breakup if you felt like you experienced signs you were being used during your relationship. Not allowing yourself time to reflect on your old relationship can make entering a new one more challenging. If you do enter a so-called rebound relationship too quickly before experiencing personal growth and reflection, this can also make it difficult to be a good partner going forward.

Depending on the circumstances that led to the end of your previous relationship, you might wish you could forget about your ex. This is, of course, easier said than done, especially if you were in a long-term relationship and/or built a family together. This isn't to say that it's abnormal to think about your ex from time to time. However, if you find yourself thinking about your old relationship all the time have feelings of longing for your ex, despite being with a new partner, chances are great that you're currently in a rebound relationship.

Aside from fondly thinking about your ex more generally, another telling sign is that you think about them even while you are actively spending time and communicating with your current partner. Ultimately, this all boils down to the presence of an emotional attachment that has not yet resolved. Not only is this unhealthy for you, but it's arguably not a fair circumstance to place your current partner in, either.

Another common characteristic of a rebound relationship isn't necessarily the coupling itself. Instead, there's the fear of moving forward in your new relationship. There may a lack of signs a couple really trusts each other, too. A fear of commitment could be a sign of a rebound relationship, particularly if you've been with your new partner for quite some time and are uninterested in moving forward. Another red flag is if you were not afraid to progress in your previous relationship, and yet you feel stuck on the path of your current one. (It's also worth noting, though, that sometimes the opposite can happen, and a rebound relationship progresses very quickly.)

While harmless at face value, a severe fear of commitment could also point to a type of anxiety disorder called gamophobia. Generally speaking, phobias can impact about one out of every 10 American adults, but the exact incidence of gamophobia isn't known. While there are many possible causes of this phobia, a history of heartbreak is among them. If you suspect you might be experiencing gamophobia that's affecting your ability to form and sustain relationships (or potentially pushing you into rebound relationships with partners you're keeping at arm's length, the good news it is treatable with the help of a psychologist.