The 10 Worst First Date Mistakes According To Science

Dating can be an important part of romantic life, but first dates in particular have the potential to be absolutely terrifying. During those first moments of two people trying to figure each other out, one mistake or misunderstanding might potentially disrupt the entire endeavor, destroying all prospects of romance ... not to mention a hefty chunk of self esteem. What's more, love affects your brain in many ways, which doesn't necessarily make it easy to keep a cool head in these crucial moments.  

As it turns out, experts are keenly aware of this fact. From using math to find out which one is the one to determining whether heartbreak is real, there's a scientific approach to surprisingly many aspects of love. Researchers have also devoted a surprising amount of effort to chart all the things that might go wrong in a date setting.  

Unfortunately, they've found quite a few of such things, too. Some first date mistakes may make sense on a superficial level, but they carry hidden effects that make them even worse than common sense might make you think. There are also others that you might not even consider about if you aren't already aware of them. However, all of them have the potential to turn a comfortable meeting between prospective romantic partners into a catastrophic one. In this article, we've collected 10 of the most interesting things that might make a first date disastrous, according to science.

When you're getting to know a prospective partner, it can be tempting to divulge as much information about yourself as possible in order to get them to know you. Unfortunately, psychology tells us that coming on too strong is a very bad way to make an impact. In fact, being too quick to reveal too much stuff, dominating the conversation, or otherwise laying it on way too thick are sure-fire ways to make a bad first impression. This can be a tricky trait for a person to spot in themselves, because according to some theories, certain people are psychologically hardwired to perceive oversharing as a positive social trait.    

First impressions are our way to assess new people as quickly as possible, and their core tenets can be founded in just seven seconds. While you're unlikely to rattle off enough tidbits to scare off a date before even greeting them properly, your initial interactions with the other person also weigh the scale. As such, opening a meeting with a relentless torrent of information can often be seen as unsightly dominance. This is a problem, because after first impressions are formed, changing them can be tricky no matter how the rest of the meeting goes. 

Like many other pointers in this article, this doesn't apply to just a first date setting, either. From professional to private settings, the "too much, too soon" approach may easily become a factor in how the person is seen by others.

There are many things that a person may try to observe in order to determine whether a prospective partner is attracted to them. However, it's easy to forget that hearing plays a surprisingly hefty role in the first stages of building a potential relationship. Per the BBC, the specific speed and tone of our voice can be responsible for as much as 38% of the initial attraction people feel toward each other. For reference, the things that actually come out of our mouth make up just 7% of the same. 

Being aware of this is, of course, not the same as being able to use your voice in a way that causes the other person to fall for you. Still, it's good to know that during the first few minutes of the conversation, at least, it's not necessarily what the other person is saying to you — it's how they're saying it. 

There may also be also another, more direct way to determine whether the other person is into you, at least when it comes to women. According to one study, women have a tendency to use a noticeably higher vocal pitch when they speak to someone they're attracted to.  

If you found yourself on a date with someone who refuses to lock eyes with you and prefers to let their gaze wander around even when they speak to you, would you be into them? If that doesn't sound like an ideal situation, science is in your corner. 

In a dating scenario, sufficient eye contact is among the most powerful uses of the eye, and it's an important way to let the other person know that you're interested in them. Even when the other person might not be comfortable with giving eye contact, you can signal your own interest by keeping your eyes on them. The eyes are such a powerful romantic tool that a prolonged period of eye contact can actually enforce romantic interest instead of just communicating it. Research suggests that if strangers of opposite sexes retain intense mutual eye contact for two minutes, they're more likely to experience positive and even passionate emotions toward each other. 

Of course, human beings aren't robots, so eyeballing the other person to oblivion isn't a cheat code to fast-track the relationship. That two-minute eye contact scenario only applies to people who are particularly sensitive to the effects of their own behavior, for instance. Eye contact can also mess with the brain's cognitive control when it comes to finding the right words, which is a whole new can of worms in a date setting. Still, eye contact is an important part of dating tool kit, and avoiding it can make the other person feel rejected.

Since first dates are effectively about testing the waters, both parties may desire to find some neutral conversation topics that allow them to see how they vibe without necessarily divulging too much about personal matters. Since everyone has to eat, food can potentially provide such a subject of discussion. For instance, talking about why your food tastes different on a plane might provide plenty of entertainment while keeping the flow of conversation on a largely neutral territory. 

Then again, even the seemingly innocent act of sharing certain things about your personal food preferences can end up telling quite a lot about you ... and it's not necessarily a good thing. For instance, studies have found that people who particularly enjoy bitter taste sensations may be more likely to have antisocial personality traits than those who prefer other flavors. According to these studies, this isn't just a case of people who like bitter foods being slightly grumpier than the average person, either. Instead, bitter taste preferences are associated with increased likelihood of everyday sadism and even psychopathy. 

That said, it's good to remember that there's a distinct difference between sour and bitter taste profiles, and that an increased likelihood of antisocial traits doesn't immediately mean that someone who likes their black coffee and green salads is automatically a horrible person. Still, if your date happens to be aware of the association, describing your affinity for bitter flavor profiles might end up being a massive, unintended red flag.

Perhaps surprisingly, body language is one of the most important ways to influence how people are attracted to each other. In fact, it can make up to 55% of the first impression when a person is trying to figure out whether they're attracted to you, according to the BBC. 

Knowledge of how exactly body language works during a date may help you gauge just how interested the other party is, too. When people feel closeness to each other, they have a strong tendency to replicate the other person's body language. There's a flip side to this, however: Since the same tendency also applies to people who feel close to you as friends, the mirroring of body language isn't an automatic confirmation of romantic interest. 

Interestingly enough, body language is even a major factor in online dating. If a person's dating app profile's images use dominant body language where they stretch out and generally take up space, they are often seen as more desirable partners than those with less expansive stances. This is because our brains recognize these "big" poses as signifiers of a higher social standing.  

Remembering to pay attention to the other person during a date seems like it should be a pretty obvious thing. However, like many other things, this seemingly simple action gains an extra layer when you're aware of how this actually works from a social and psychological standpoint. 

The key trait of showing interest in your date — or any potential romantic partner, really — is curiosity. It's a surprisingly important trait in forming attraction, especially among people with comparatively low social anxiety. Research has shown that showing curiosity during conversations is connected to an ability to build intimate connections, and trust-building exercises have found that participants who are more curious about their partner also tend to be seen as more attractive. As such, being genuinely interested in your date is not necessarily a bad bet — but as with most things in life, it's probably a good idea to avoid going overboard right away.

Playing hard to get in order to goad a potential partner into putting in more effort is classic romantic comedy fodder, but does it really work in real life? Could playing disinterested and mysterious translate well to a first date setting? If you absolutely have to get a "yes" or "no" answer, it's probably better to avoid this particular dating tactic altogether. Overall, researchers believe that playing hard to get isn't all that, because the whole allure of the concept isn't that the person should be hard to get for everyone — it's that they should be hard to get for others but accessible to you. 

There's a very specific sweet spot within the concept of playing hard to get that might just work better than others, though. While research on the subject is somewhat difficult, it does suggest that both being too easy to get and playing extremely hard to get are bad moves that may cause the other person to lose interest. However, a reasonable amount of unattainability can still hold an allure. 

At the end of the day, there really is no reason to start calibrating your hard-to-get game ahead of your next date. When it comes to lots of people, being upfront about what you hope from the prospective relationship is far more preferable than playing games around the subject. 

The location of a first date carries significant meaning. If the dating couple ends up connecting, the location of their first date may turn into an important shared memory. Due to this, it can be tempting to skew toward the kind of romantic locations pop culture has taught us to view as ideal dating locations — think movie theaters, going for a drink together, and the like. There's one major issue with this, though. From a scientific standpoint, spaces like that are far from ideal when it comes to building emotional attachment.

Counterintuitive as it may seem, many classic first date settings involve enclosed spaces — especially dark ones that can evoke danger, like bars — and that may cause your date to feel cornered. This, of course, is not ideal for making someone feel relaxed with you. As such, social psychology expert Dr. Jessica Maxwell suggests a date setting that's open and evokes a sense of nostalgia. Such a place could be a public setting that both people have a familiarity with, like taking walks in areas known to both parties, or visiting a nostalgic exhibition. Not only do places like this feel safer, but they offer an organic opportunity to get to know each other better.  

"You're signalling your intentions when you ask someone on a date," Dr. Maxwell told Science World. "Depending on where someone invites you, you can probably infer whether you have things in common or if it's someone you'd get along with."

It seems pretty obvious that being glued to a phone is bad for a date, especially if this is your first attempt to connect with the other person. It goes beyond that, though. In fact, neither person needs to actively use the phone for it to potentially disrupt the chemistry between them.

While mobile phones are an essential and all-encompassing method of communication today, it's easy to go overboard with them. A date who's constantly tinkering with their phone is unlikely to connect with the other person in many of the ways mentioned in this article, but the device's influence looms even larger. A study by University of Essex researchers Andrew Przybylski and Netta Weinstein discovered that a phone only needs to be present in the room in order to influence the flow of the conversation between two people who don't know each other well. According to Przybylski, this may be because the mere possibility of one person keeping the phone nearby is a deeply negative signal. "It kind of sends a message that I could stop talking to you at any moment and start another conversation," he said to Live Science. 

Granted, casual conversation can still flow just fine when the unused phone is in sight. However, deeper and more meaningful conversations become considerably more difficult, and your brain might not feel as much empathy toward your date as it otherwise would.

While it may be good to discuss the past, bringing up your exes on a first date can definitely be a touchy subject. This goes beyond the usual social norms, too ... and it can end up haunting you and your partner a lot deeper into the relationship. 

There is a psychological phenomenon called retroative jealousy, which causes a person to become way too invested in their partner's past relationships. It's a form of anxiety over the partner's romantic history — which obviously can't be influenced — and whether partners of the past could potentially resurface to disrupt the current relationship. This can lead into the person suffering from retroactive jealousy to play out the events of their partner's past in their head as if they were happening right now, and the situation can become all-consuming. This can potentially cause the person to disrupt the relationship with their own behavior. 

Of course, retroactive jealousy is just one of the many surprises that a relationship can bring. Such risks shouldn't be a deterrent for nascent couples who consent to sharing their past with each other, but it's still good to be aware of the unexpected pitfalls that talking about your exes too much might lead into.